The Call of a Godly Man

Amen. Amen. You can go ahead and be seated. Want to say good morning again and uh go ahead and grab your Bibles. 1 Peter chapter 3. We're continuing on in our series in First Peter uh titled Bold.

And it's just the idea of sojourers living in a world um that is not their home. That their home is actually citizenship in heaven. Um, but at the same time, we still live here and we are still called to submit ourselves to a very specific uh way of life that ultimately hopefully leads other people to join us in the great kingdom of God as well. And so uh today we're going to be looking at one verse and it is a a pregnant verse. And what I mean by that is there's a lot in this one verse. Um, and so honestly, I feel like you could do four sermons on this one verse alone, and that is still going to barely scratch the surface.

I also researched and studied way too much this week. And so, I hope that um I hope that we keep it relatively short. Uh, but I tried to cram as much as I could in this, but at the same time, I also want to be um just um I want to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and and specifically what he wants the men in this room to be able to hear today. Uh because I know in just the research and studying of this um as I'm walking through it and preparing it and teaching on it, especially just the idea of the the call of a godly man and specifically his role um as a husband. Uh man, how many times this week I just found myself praying, Lord have mercy on me. Um Lord, I need help.

Uh I need help in this area. And so, uh, I am not preaching this as one who has mastered it. And Kelsey, you cannot say amen to that. Um, but I am one who is coming to you this morning saying that we we have room to grow uh in this specific area of of what it means to be a godly husband. And so, we're going to be tackling this verse. And what I do want to say rolling out of the gate with this is the same thing I started off with last week when we looked at the idea the beauty of a godly woman.

Um what I opened up last week with was a preface for many of us that there's two things that's going to disciple you. It's either going to be the word of God that disciples you or it's going to be the world that disciples you. And it's very important that you know which one you're being formed by. Because if it's the world that is your primary authority, then when you read the word, you are going to judge the word by what the world says. And so you'll look at it and you'll say, "Well, that's outdated. That's oppressive.

That's not good. That's not right." And I just want you to ask the question, where's that coming from? Where's that where's that understanding coming from? Where's that conclusion coming from? Where if the word of God, which is the word from God, the word of God, if it is your authority, and you read the world, you will judge it by what the word says.

And as I said last week, it always ends better when you trust what the word says, not what the world says. So, I'm going to say some things today in regards to what a godly man is and what the roles of a godly man is that our world would look at and say that's toxic masculinity. That's oppression. That's abuse. And I would just say first and foremost, if it's an actual godly man fulfilling these things and he's in a marriage, ask the wife how she's experiencing this man to determine whether or not it's actually oppressive or toxic or abusive. It's very important.

Very important. So let's read our verse for this morning and look at this idea here of the call of a godly man. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Honestly, like I said, you can break that up into four categories. Husbands, live with your with live with your wives in an understanding way. I mean, the last time a man tried to understand a woman, that could take a while to preach.

That that's that alone's a 12 sermon series right there. Showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. All right, that's that's a multi-series right there. Multi- sermon series. Since they are heirs with you of the grace of life. All right, it's a whole another topic there.

So that your prayers may not be hindered. So based on all of those things, my relationship and communion with the Lord and whether or not he answers me is dependent upon whether or not I'm doing the other things. Well, that's a whole another thing. So that's why I'm saying there's so much packed into this one thing. And so what we want to do, just because I love barbecue, like I said last week, we got to pull this apart in order to see what God is teaching us, what God is saying to us. So that again, we're not conformed by what the world says, but we're conformed and being transformed by what the word says.

This is why again earlier as we were in the call to worship, just praying that the Holy Spirit fills us because the Holy Spirit is the one who guides this. The Holy Spirit is the one who is shaping and transforming men to not just be worldly men to be godly men to be men like Jesus, the one true God man who is our greatest example. And so we need his strength. We need his uh power in order for us to actually live anything out in regards to this verse as we will we will see as we work through this. But I need you to first and foremost see that he does the same thing here that he did last week with the wives. He starts off with a likewise.

So often times in a in a unbiblical approach, people will say the role of the woman is to submit and the role of the man is to not. Not the same language. The language here is that this is a continuation of the five categories that we've been talking about that God has called us as sojourers and exiles to subject ourselves to in order to fulfill a very specific distinction and role in society. And so there is we are all called to submit to governing authorities. We are all called to submit to uh occupations, vocations, whatever that looks like in the slave master type of role. We are all called to submit to our distinct roles within the household.

We are all called to submit to our roles as members of the body of Christ. All of those things. This is why he is continuing it on with likewise. So he's not he's not going onto a train of thought over here and saying, "Hey, we're actually breaking away from that." And now men, you have this very like separated type of distinction. No, no, no.

It's in the same category that Christ is king, that he's head of the church, that he is ruling and reigning, and everyone that he saves, he is saying, "You are mine. you serve me and as servants of mine, I am sending you back into the world and you're going to have very specific roles and very specific institutions in which you submit yourselves to. And that's why again as you see in Ephesians 5 as I read in the call to worship Ephesians 5 is this idea that as we are being filled with the Holy Spirit and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ that prefaces or or uh that precedes what we're actually going to look at in the roles of husband and wife in in chapter 5:es 22 through3. So we are men called to submit to our roles, our distinctions, which means we we don't get to abdicate anything. We don't get to just make, you know, in our own minds decide, well, I'm ruling and reigning.

I get to do whatever I want to do. No, no, no, no, no, no. You have a master. You have a king, and his name is Jesus. and he's called you to do some very specific things. And that's why I think that likewise is so important for us to make sure that we hold on to that and understand that we are in submission to Jesus and therefore we do whatever Jesus says.

We do whatever Jesus says. And so if wives are called to submit as respectful helpers that we saw last week, what does God require of husbands? The general idea is that they are to submit to Christ as loving heads of their households. Loving heads of their households. And Peter gives again four truths of godly headship in this one verse. And again, like like I said, hear me say it.

Help me, Lord, as we walk through these. Help me. Number one, prioritize and pursue. Prioritize and pursue. We see this in the very first part. Live with your wives in an understanding way.

Live with. First of all, just to kind of unpack live with. All right. This is shared covenant life. We need to popularize that word. We need to recover it.

Shared covenant life. Because when you abandon God's design for covenant, what you get is cheap cohabitation. This is deeper than just two people who like each other who say, "Let's live together." That's nowhere in God's design for what true covenant commitment, what true love is actually about. Peter does not say live with your girlfriends. He does not say live with whoever you are romantically involved with.

He says live with your wives. That's biblical language. When I was growing up, the phrase was leave and cleave. Leave and cleave. All right? And they're like, "Where's that come from?"

Genesis 2. This is God's design. All right? So, this is this is 4,000 years before this was written in First Peter. 4,000 years with Adam and Eve in Genesis chapter 2. The Lord God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone.

I will make him a helper fit for him." That's where we get the helper language from. And then in verse 28, he says this, "Therefore a man," or verse 24, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother," there's the leave, "and hold fast." That's the cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. So in other ways, the the the Bible gives really two categories. You're a man under the household of your mother and father, or you're creating a new household with your wife.

And what our society has done is tried to create a middle ground where there's this period where we leave mother and father but we're not holding fast or creating a family over here. And this kind of prolonged adolescence is not producing what God has ultimately designed for a man to become. It's not producing it. What it's actually doing is it is just prolonging youthfulness. And I'll just say it. Men are dumb and stupid.

And when you prolong that dumb and stupidness, you do stupid things. Thank you. And so God has given a very clear distinction here that you are to be trained up and raised up to become a man. And and again, I think this is where we need to redeem some of our of how we raise our boys in the household so that what they need to look for and look for soon is a godly wife, a godly wife. Now, I'm not saying that like there there there are exceptions to that. I mean, the Apostle Paul is an exception to that.

The Apostle Paul would teach, "Hey, it's better for you to remain as I am, single man. Devote all of your time 100% to the Lord. Be full-time ministry, man. Just go hard after getting as many people uh to know Jesus as possible and then go spend an eternity with God." Like, that's great. That's good.

But scripture also says elsewhere, if you're going to burn up in your lust and your passions, then get married. Don't prolong that. Don't wait. Here's the thing. Both of those things are good. Both of those things are good.

So, devoting 100% of your attention and and and and in the times we've called this the gift of singleness. I always say like I feel like when someone says the gift of singleness, it's because they just can't find somebody. And I'm like, no, no, no. It's an intentional decision as well. So, it's not because you can't find somebody. Maybe I just have the gift of singleness.

No, no, no. It's because I'm so in love with the Lord and his mission that I want to devote my life and commit to him in covenant relationship with my God that I am a 100% full-time missionary at all times. That needs to be celebrated. That's a wonderful, beautiful thing. At the same time, this finding a good wife, getting like entering into a marriage, creating a new household is a biblical, wonderful, beautiful, good thing. What we have is men in the middle, boys in the middle who can shave but don't do either one.

And that's not good. That's not biblical. live with your wives. Again, not roommates with benefits, not casual cohabitation, not permanent dating, covenant commitment. Our culture increasingly wants to covenant privileges without covenant obligations, intimacy without permanence, sexuality without vows, companionship without sacrifice. And scripture places intimacy inside covenant.

Covenant only. On only. So, we need to redeem that. I know as parents, many parents in this room, many of us are raising children right now who are being discipled by a culture that treats relationships like test drives. And we need to redeem what we are actually raising them to know and believe. We need to teach our children that God's design is not tryyouts and temporary arrangements.

That's not what it is. It is commitments and covenants. Right now, cohabitation is rising while marriage is failing or falling. Studies show that couples who cohabitate before marriage have a 48% higher chance of divorce than those who were not living together prior to that. Why? Because you're training your heart to treat covenant as temporary.

And and for someone who's doing that, whether they realize it or not, what they're actually communicating to one another is, "I'm not sure about you yet. I don't trust you yet. I'm not willing to spend the rest of my life with you yet." That can be done in a dating courtship type of relationship. You're like, "Courtship? How ancient is that?"

No, I'm here for it. I'm all about bringing that back. where a community helps affirm the godly relationship that can enter into a covenant. I'm all for that. I wasn't so much for it when I was younger, but I'm all for it now that I have my own children. Again, just think about the relationship.

You'll see this as we talk about it, but Ephesians 5 when we get there talks about the role of husband and wife, but it but it images it illustrates it with the role of Christ in the church. Christ being the groom, the church being the bride. Christ didn't come to the church and say, "Hey, let's just kind of like try this out for a few years and see whether or not I can tolerate you and and then decide later to die for you." It's not how it worked. Christ covenanted himself fully and finally to his church with his own blood. And therefore, we should not take the illustration of that being marriage lightly.

The relationship between man and woman lightly. Again, not it's not the way it goes. Live with ongoing action. Keep going. Keep nurturing. Keep pursuing.

Keep fanning in the flame. Live with your wives. live with your wives. And then he goes on to say this, in an understanding way. In an understanding way. The actual language there doesn't translate over to English in a way that's as easy, but it's according to knowledge.

Live with your wives according to knowledge. Which means, men, we've got work to do in getting to know the woman that we live with. Getting to know the woman that we live with. The wedding day was not graduation. It was orientation. It was the beginning of you studying your wife as the major of your life for the rest of your life.

This knowledge includes at least these four categories. This is not limit limited to these four cate categories but at least these four categories. theological understanding. Do you know what your wife believes about God? That's what theology means, in case you didn't know. Study of God.

Do you know what she believes about God? Do you know what she believes about scripture, about the church, about raising children, about faithfulness? Second one's relational understanding. What has shaped her relationally? Do you know about her family of origin? Do you know about her upbringing?

Do you know about her friendships? Do you know about her wounds, her fears, her experiences? Third one's emotional understanding. How does she process life? What refreshes her? What drains her?

Sometimes personality tools can even help give language to those things. Again, personality tools are not the gospel, but they can help us understand better the one that we are with. spiritual understanding. What helps her flourish spiritually? What dis what disciplines encourage her walk with Christ? What tempts or discourages her spiritually?

Again, a husband is commanded to know these things about his wife. Not mere merely just providing for her, not merely just living beside her, but knowing her. again, Kelsey and I, we we are celebrating 15 years this October um of marriage, which is yes, for some in the room, that's like that's a lot. All right. For others, we're catching up. Okay, we're catching up.

That's fair. Um and I still feel like I've barely scratched the surface on understanding her fully, but I know what she values spiritually. I know what matters to her most. I know what kind of environment helps her flourish. I know what burdens her. I know what encourages her.

Even if I weren't the pastor, I know that church is a non-negotiable for her on Sundays. Even if I weren't pastoring and weren't paid to be here on Sundays, you're like, "Wait, we pay you?" Yes, technically you do. But even if I weren't, for us, vacation does not spill over into Sunday. for us. We're not going to be putting our kids on travel sports that takes away Sundays because it's a priority for us and I know it's a priority for her because I know my wife and I know what we value together.

I also know the things that we disagree on. We live in the house we live in because I chose to live with my wife in an understanding way. I wanted an old fixer upper that probably has some ghosts in it and she wanted a turnkey cookie cutter home that's just ready. Like I don't need you working on it right now. I just need something that's available and ready. And so it's not because she rules the home, but it's because understanding your wife means that your preferences are not always supreme.

So husbands, live with your wives in understanding ways. study them, their fears, their burdens, their joys, their temptations, their weaknesses, their strengths, their spiritual condition. Again, you'll you'll either learn husbandry from Christ and how he pursues the church, or you'll learn husbandry from the world and how they treat women. The world teaches men to consume women. Christ teaches them to cherish women, to cherish them. Again, the world teaches men to be passive and dumb.

This is where you get the Homer Simpsons of the world. But Christ teaches men to be strong and intelligent. Strong and intelligent. Again, Jesus knows his bride because he is the perfect model for us in knowing our bride. John 10:14, Jesus says this, "I know my own. I know my beloved and for us which again I mean he he's Jesus so he knows everything but at the same time he is still a model for us and until we know every hair that's on her head as Christ knows we have work to do we have work to do lots of work to do but it's not just that type of knowledge as far as what they like and dislike and those things It's also intimacy.

It's also intimacy. Best way I'll put it is this way. There's a biblical knowing that is merelyformational. And then there's also a biblical knowing that is fruitful. Genesis 4:1 puts it this way. Adam knew Eve.

He knew her and it produced a child. So, there's a way of knowledge or knowing your wife that helps you buy the right gift for their birthday. And then there's a way of knowing your wife that produces kids. And both are called for men to pursue their wives, to pursue their wives. Again, Peter leaves no room in this, no room in this for passive coasting husbands. And here's what many men naturally do.

What we naturally do as men is we pursue intensely before marriage and then we coast afterwards. We coast afterwards. It's just natural. Once we accomplish something, we start looking for another mountain to climb, another thing to accomplish. But God says you haven't accomplished anything yet. Not till death do you part.

You've got work to do. Live with your wife in an understanding way. Finish the assignment. Finish the calling. Finish the pursuit. Never take your foot off the gas pedal.

And so ask yourself the question, do I know my wife? Am I attentive to her soul? when she talks to you, are you listening or are you mentally halfway into tomorrow already? Again, this one's a tough one for me. If you really want to impress your wife, ask follow-up questions to the story that it might have taken her 20 minutes to set to tell. Ask follow-up questions.

I mean, she'll be like, "Wait a minute. What?" And wives, when your husband starts trying to grow in that area, even imperfectly, encourage it. Don't say, "You're only asking me a follow-up question because Dwayne said to ask a follow-up question." No, no, no, no. Encourage it.

Encourage it. Even when we imperfectly do it, again, many of us, we will fumble as we grow here. Peter certainly did. I mean, the man writing this denied Christ, acted impulsively, cut off a man's ear, struggled with fear, had to be publicly corrected by the Apostle Paul due to prejudice and racism. Yet, Christ sanctified this man, and that gives hope to imperfect husbands and wives. Ultimately, your trust is not the perfection of your husband, but it's progress.

It's him becoming more like Jesus over time. Christ is the true and better bridegroom who never stops pursuing his bride. And therefore, we in following and submitting ourselves to him should never stop as well ourselves. Second thing I want you to see here is that men are called to protect and provide. Protect and provide. Peter continues on showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel.

Now, that might for some women in the room be like, "Hold up. What do you mean weaker?" This phrase, I'll get to that in a second. But the phrase showing honor means to esteem, to give value, to treat us precious. So before we even get to the argument of what the weaker vessel means, we got to realize that the men are called to esteem our wives, to value them, to treat them as precious. Again, we saw that last week in what God sees in a godly woman who arranges and adorns her herself, not with just the outward merely physical beauty, but the hidden person on the inside, the integrity of the heart.

He sees that as precious in his sight. A godly woman to God is precious. And so you got to believe if men are called to submit to God and how we treat our wives, we have to also remember that first and foremost, she is the precious jewel of God. And so we need to watch out based on how we show honor to her, which should provide some security to the woman, to the wife, that if he does it the wrong way, which again we'll get to at the end of it, but if he does it the wrong way, he's got to answer to God. He's got to answer to God. There's some checks and balances in place to how men treat their wives, who we ultimately answer to when it comes to this.

And that's why I think he starts off with showing her honor, showing honor to her. It's rightly categorizing who she is and ultimately who's she is as the weaker vessel. Notice again this is not just occasional behavior but this is active continual conduct showing honor. In other words, a god a godly husband does not merely feel honor for his wife privately in his own heart but he has to demonstrate it openly in speech in conduct in leadership in sacrifice in protection in provision because again she is the weaker vessel. Some of you may not like this one but it's all right. Um, I'm going to make sure I define carefully what Peter means and what he does not mean in regards to this.

Peter is not teaching that women are inferior to men. He's not teaching that. That they are less intelligent. He's not teaching that. That they are less spiritual. That's not what he's saying.

That they are less valuable. It's not that. That's not that's not here either. or somehow lesser image bearsers. No, no, no. In the image of God, he made them male and female.

I imago day is equal to male and female. And so the context destroys that interpretation because in the very next phrase, Peter actually goes on to say heirs with you of the grace of life. And so she is a fellow heir, equal in dignity, equal in worth, equal in salvation, equal in eternal inheritance. But equal worth does not erase created distinction. That's very important for us to understand that. Here's what most theologians agree on when it comes to this phrasing of weaker vessel.

Generally speaking, and I say that with a big generally, generally speaking, women possess less physical strength and greater vulnerability than men do. That's what most theologians agree with on this. And I'm not talking about just like theologians in the last hundred years. I'm talking about Augustine, talking about Aquinas, I'm talking about John Calvin. and they spend over a thousand years of church history. Most agree that this is talking about physical strength.

Why? Because it doesn't say show honor to her as the weak vessel. Show honor to her as the weaker vessel. Meaning both men and women are vessels. She just happens to be the weaker one. Both are vessels.

John Piper says, 'You can clearly see this played out in the sports arena. We have men and women sports for this very truth. But just because men are stronger does not mean that we exercise our strength over women. That's not what we're doing. That's not what we're doing. Now, the reason why I said generally speaking was because if I go and play against Caitlyn Clark, she's going to beat me in basketball.

That's just reality. Okay? But there's a reason why she's not playing in the NBA. That's why I'm saying generally speaking, this is the roles are physical strength in what we're talking about here. And so Peter's point is not therefore dominate her as being the stronger vessel, but showing honor for her, providing and protecting for her. The husband's greater strength gives him the responsibility to protect and provide.

the responsibility to protect and provide. Strength in scripture exists for service. It exists for service. That's why when Jesus came, he's like, I I I could call on a legion of angels to come down and minister to me. like when he's going to the cross at any moment. I mean the reason I can't remember who which theologian phrased it this way but when the muscles and the tendons are literally contracting in order to grab the hammers and place the nails and hammer them into position.

The only ability for them to do that is Christ giving it the authority. And yet he uses his strength to sacrifice himself in service to you and I. Strength is modeled differently than what the world wants to utilize it from a biblical perspective. Again, we see this taught in Ephesians 5. He protects her. He nourishes her.

He sanctifies her. He defends her. The Bible calls this role of the husband headship. Again, not a not a politically correct term in our modern day society. There's no head over me. I'm my own authority.

I'm autonomous. I'm independent. That's why last week we said wives are to be respectful. Helpers and husbands are to be loving heads because we love the Bible. We love God's word. We're using the same language that God gave to us.

He's the one who said it's not good for a man to be alone. He will make him a helper fit for him. That's why later the New Testament authors, they write it and they say, "Man was not made for woman, but woman was made for man." We're not apologizing for what the Bible teaches. We're actually trying to recorrect or or correct society and say there's a better way of doing things that God has already deemed necessary and right and good for the flourishing of society. I mean, when we look at the world and what they are saying and what they're trying to recreate and redefine in terms of marriage and relationship and what's a man and what's a woman, you got to look back on it as a case study and say doesn't look like it's improving anything.

Doesn't look like things are getting better. It actually looks like when you actually pull on the stats that things are getting worse. People are more anxious. People are more confused. Families are more fractured and broken. Relationships aren't actually growing in love and honor for one another, but actually are tearing each other down more and more.

The world only gives us two broken versions of masculinity. One side is the effeminite passive male. men who refuse responsibility, refuse leadership, refuse burden, they refuse courage. In other words, again, it's kind of like in that role, women step in and say, "We'll take it from here. We've got this. Men, you just sit off to the side and don't do anything."

the fullest. When you fully look that out, it it's called matriarchy where women are leading and making all the decisions and men are not doing anything and are just in submission. Those societies don't pan out. They don't go well. At the same time, on the other side, you have harsh domination. Men who use strength selfishly, who rule through intimidation, who think masculinity means loudness or aggression or control.

Those don't pan out well either. Biblical masculinity is neither. Instead, it carries the burden. It accepts responsibility. It protects the vulnerable. It honors women.

It lays itself down for others. It's what a biblical man is. And we are to first model it in our homes in order for us to then model it for society outside. Here's the way I've heard it before that I really like. Men, your strength was given so that you can be tough and tender. So that you can be tough and tender.

Tough towards those outside your home, but tender with those inside your home. You protect your home not because you hate what is outside, but it's because you love what is inside. You love what is inside. Your masculinity was given so that your wife would feel safe with you, protected, and provided for. Not perfect, obviously, but perfecting it over time. Showing honor is not just a public priority.

It's a private integrity. How do you speak to her privately when nobody's watching? Maybe that's a question for the wife. How does your husband speak to you privately when nobody's watching? Showing honor includes, but not limited to the fruit of the spirit. The fruit of the spirit is not a feminine thing for women to place on t-shirts and then sell on Etsy.

Honestly, men should be wearing those shirts. that love is or that the fruit of the spirit is loving and joyful and peaceful, patient, kind, gentle, faithful, self-control. That's a man. That's a man. Like that verse is not just for women. Men are to exhibit that because that's what the spirit of God is producing in us.

Again, some of us would take a bullet for our wives and praise God for that. But at the same time, we won't put our phone down and listen for 10 minutes. Sometimes protection looks less like dying dramatically and more like dying to ourselves daily. Again, Lord, help me on that. Dying to selfishness, dying to comfort, dying to pride. Go ahead and open up to Ephesians 5.

Let's turn there. I want y'all to see this. Go eat popcorn. For those that don't know what I just said, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, it's how I figured that out. Go eat popcorn. I don't even like popcorn.

I know, right? I'll eat it. I just don't ever crave it or want it or desire it. Ephesians 5 starting verse 22. Again, if you let the world be your authority, you'll read the word of God and you'll judge it by what the world says. If you read this passage under that banner, you will not like anything that you hear in this.

But if the word of God is your authority and you read the world according to what the word says, you'll read this passage and you'll say,"I think a lot of things in the world could be solved and fixed if we lived this out. If we submitted ourselves to this Ephesians 5:22, wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself.

For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body. Therefore, here's where he pulls in Genesis 2. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound. I mean, we can all say amen to that. And I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself. And let the wife see that she respects her husband. There's where you get the language of respectful helper and loving head. That's the standard. Honestly, when we read that, it feels unachievable. Yet, it's still a command for us.

It's still a command. Protect and provide. And the way, by the way, biblical provision is not merely financial. Men should work hard and provide materially for their households. But provision also includes, and it doesn't also mean that it's only for men. Women can make money, too.

That's not it's not saying that it doesn't prohibit that. But provision also includes spiritual leadership, emotional steadiness in the home, stability, wisdom, protection, and presence. And I'm telling you, the reason why I'm saying this is so hard is because I come from a household, I mean, I'm just being honest with you, cards on the table. I come from a household that the way we dealt with um discipline in the home was immediate 0 to 100. It's like if you do something out of line, um, I it it's immediate physical discipline and it's like rage. And so I remember when I was entering in, you know, dating Kelsey, entering into marriage, I mean, I was already a pastor of a church.

And so I'm going, I mean, dude, she has no idea the gift she is about to receive in me as a husband who has read these verses and know these scriptures, who is going to love her as Christ loves the church. And I'm going to tell you this right now, those first five years were me realizing how much I need to repent. Those were f those were not I was I mean, we're coming up on 15 years. The first five years were the most difficult. Second five years got better. I would say the last five years have been our best.

But it's been a growing awareness of how far away from Christ I am in these things and how much needs to be worked on over and over and over again that I still have the tendency within me that like it's what what was what discipled me growing up the origin of my home. I'm not blaming my my parents. I'm not I'm not jumping on the bandwagon of current cultural um counseling where it's like you're not at fault. Blame every you know blame your parents. I'm not jumping on that bandwagon. But what I am saying is that my natural tendencies do come from that place as well.

There's nurture and nature to both of those. I'm at fault for my anger and at the same time I'm also at you know I need to talk to my dad about it and have some conversations but I'm aware of it at least and working through it. Praying for the Lord to strengthen me. Praying for the Lord to forgive me when I get so angry. So angry so quick. So quick.

I look at the fruit of the spirit and I see patience and I don't see it in my own self. We got work to do. There's so much work to do. And so men sometimes we we want to just put that to the side and say, "I'm I'm putting food on the table. I'm putting food on the table. while I'm taking care of my household.

I'm just here to say it's so much more than that. You can provide a house while failing to provide a home. Here's what we've ultimately seen across the world is that a culture that abandons godly men eventually abandons its opportunity for flourishing. For flourishing. I mean, I want my household to flourish, but I also want my community to flourish. I want our society to flourish.

Like, I want to seek the welfare of the city of Indianapolis. But I also know that the primary way in which God's going to ultimately flesh that out is through the advancement of the gospel. And as the gospel advances, it creates godly men and women. and godly men and women who are relating to it to to each other the way that God has designed and then putting the gospel on display and creating homes that are in submission to Christ. That is the foundation for a godly Christlike flourishing community that begins representing ultimately the city of God. Like when we pray your kingdom come on on earth as it is in heaven.

When we see Jesus as the bridegroom and church as his his his bride, that relationship starts to flourish and function in our world around us and they start to see it and they start to see the beauty of that relationship. Again, the answer is not raising up toxic masculinity. The answer is redeemed biblical masculinity. Men shaped by Jesus. Men bending their knees to Jesus as servants of the king and then submitting themselves to their God-given distinct roles and responsibilities. And if you don't like them, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you don't like them. You need to figure out where your emotion of why you don't like it. Where does that come from? If it comes from because you had a bad father who mistreated your mother, again, that wasn't God's design. That's not biblical. You don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

I'm sorry that that's a reality. That's why this is so important that we call our society back to what God has ultimately designed for us. And here's the third one. I'm going to try to run through this one a little bit faster, but partner and praise. Partner and praise. Peter now guards us from a misunderstanding.

When scripture teaches role distinction in marriage, it is never teaching spiritual inequality. physically stronger, yes, does not make the other one lesser than. Peter says, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life. This is one of the clearest affirmations in the New Testament that women and men are equal in dignity, value, and inheritance before God. It's clear. It's right there.

Your wife is not spiritually inferior, secondass citizen, beneath you in worth, or lesser in value before God. She is a fellow heir. same language that Christ gives to his bride, the church. As Romans 8 tells us, we are co-airs with Christ. What Christ gets, he gives to his bride, the church. Why would it be any different in the the the the physical illustration of Christ in the church when it comes to husband and wife?

They're co-airs. They've become one. They're equal. 1 Peter 1 again just to draw the idea of this inheritance. First Peter going back to our first chapter in verses 3-4 he says this according to his great mercy again that's God's great mercy he has caused us us you and I male and female husband and wife he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead to an inheritance that is imperishable inheritance to who? to both to us to husband and wife that is ultimately undefiled and unfading and kept in heaven for you.

And so by the grace of God the Father, husband and wife are alike in that they are born again by the grace and power and mercy of Jesus alone. alone, justified by faith, adopted into God's family, united to Christ, and awaiting eternal inheritance together. The ground at the foot of the cross is level for both husband and wife. So, she's not merely your respectful helper. She's also your I mean, this is weird language, but she's also your sister in Christ. She's your sister in Christ.

And more than that, she's a daughter of the king, the father. That changes how you treat her. You honor her because of who because of what she is, because of who she is, and ultimately because of who's she is. She belongs to Christ before she belongs to you. And if Christ shed his blood for her, then you had then you had better not treat lightly what Jesus calls precious. What do he calls precious?

So he says heirs with you of the grace of life. That's proclaiming something. Every Christian marriage is telling the world a story and the story is ultimately the relationship of Christ in the church. that story. The husband represents Christ's loving leadership and the wife represents c the church's joyful submission to it. Again, one of maybe one of the best illustrations of this is a band, different instruments, different sounds, different roles.

If they each try to play each other's position or role, it just you just get noise. But when they each play their distinct positions and roles and notes, it creates harmony together. God designed marriage with complimentary distinctions that produce covenant harmony. That's what he created. And we're not to try to redefine them. We're not to try to recreate them.

We're not to try to get real creative with, well, you know, it's really trying to say this in modern times when you look at the contextual times back then and blah, blah, blah. And no, no, no. Just trust what God has said. Trust the word. Believe it to be true. Believe it to be good.

Believe it to be right. Believe that God knows better than you do. And that's a good thing for you because it leads to your flourishing. It leads to your flourishing, which is the last thing we don't want it to do. Is when we get out of line with it, it hinders our communion and our relationship with God. Man, this is big.

This is big. This is the the litmus test for your relationship with God. He puts right here is how you treat your wife. I don't want my prayers hindered. I don't want I don't want to create separation between me and the father. He closes it off with so that your prayers may not be hindered.

This is covenantal accountability. A husband's treatment of his wife affects his communion with God. And so Peter assumes here that the husband should be praying, spiritually leading, walking in fellowship with God. But domestic unrighteousness disrupts that fellowship. A man cannot mistreat his wife, neglect her, demean her, or lead harshly while expecting to continue intimacy with God. Doesn't work that way.

Doesn't work that way. That would be like me, just because I have the illustration in the room. That would be like me treating Kelsey in a bad way, neglecting her, demeaning her, leading her harshly while saying, "Bryce, you want to continue to hang out and have a good time together?" How do you think he's going to feel about that? He's going to say, "Until you get that right, don't come see me." Again, Malachi, just to give you some support to this, Malachi 2:13-14 tells us that God rejected the worship of men because husbands were faithless with their wives.

To put it more generally speaking, in Matthew 5:23-24, it tells us that before you come to worship and offer your sacrifices at the altar. If there's any relational conflict that you have, put your sacrifice down. Go reconcile the relationship before you come back and worship God. Man, God cares deeply how covenant authority is exercised. A husband's private conduct in the home is never hidden from God. Leadership in the home is spiritual stewardship of your life.

Again, I'll say this. Strong men require a strong relationship with Jesus. You will not become a strong man if you do not have a relationship with the God man. You can redefine strong all you want into whatever you think it might be. But strong men, biblically strong men, have a relationship with Jesus. They bend their knees to him.

And strong men create strong homes. Strong homes create strong churches. Strong churches create strong societies. You see where I'm going with this? It all begins with us submitting ourselves to the strong man, the strong man, Jesus himself, and modeling our leadership and our submission as men based on what he did what he did ultimately. And so men, if you are currently asking the question, so it's all on me.

Yes. Yes, it is. Your call to be a godly man is accepting the responsibility and burden to cultivate a strong relationship with Christ, your wife, your home, your church, and your society. It's on you. It's on you. That's why when God in the garden, we love because again, we love to abdicate responsibility and we love to punt it to others and say it's their fault.

When God steps into the garden, Adam starts off chiming, "It it was that woman you gave me." God doesn't go straight to Eve and say, "What have you done?" He calls out Adam. He calls out Adam because it was Adam's responsibility to lead his home. And he was in that moment while she was being deceived. He was with her letting it happen.

Letting it happen. He was not leading. And therefore, sin entered into the world. And that's why it says sin entered into the world through one man. And his name was Adam. Was Adam.

So is it on you? Yeah, it's on you. It's on you. So bend your knee to Jesus. bend your knee to Jesus. I'll tell you right now, like I I we've got some strategies that we're going to be doing to try to reach more people in our community, but I'll tell you this.

We're going to be calling out men because if we want to see Indianapolis ultimately changed, we need to get men bending their knee to Jesus. There's a stat Lifeway did, this is maybe two decades ago that said, and it's a very unique stat, if a child comes to know Christ in a home, there's a 3 and a half% chance that the rest of the home will come to know Jesus. If a wife comes to, and again, don't hear me. I'm not belittling the role of the woman. That's not what I'm saying. But if a wife comes to know Jesus, there's an 18% chance that the rest of the home comes to know Christ.

If a husband comes to know Jesus, it's a 92% chance that the rest of the home comes to know Christ. The role of man matters. The role of men in a society matters. Are we willing to step up and say, "Yes, Lord, I will accept the responsibility." Again, no husband perfectly fulfills this text. Every husband falls short.

Wives, you don't need to tell him on the way home. Wait till Monday. Wait till Monday. That's right. Wait till Monday. But if he takes it seriously and he starts bending his knee to Jesus and he starts submitting to his role and responsibility, encourage it.

Encourage it. I'm going to tell you it's especially when it's I'm a pastor, guys, and there's still moments where it's just very awkward for me. Very awkward for me because I didn't grow up in a home where I saw it played out. So, it's still very new to me. Like, honestly, coming into Yeah. train up a child in the way they should go and they'll not depart from it.

And yet I've got pastor friends who are amazing, who have done the right things and yet their children walk away from the Lord. Like there are still fears that I have in this idea of how you raise children. I've not seen it done before. And so it's like figuring it out like how you pray with your kids, how you teach them scripture, what do you teach them as you're walking through this. I'm with you. I'm in the trenches figuring this out.

pleading with the Lord to forgive me every single time I keep messing it up. And so wives, your husbands, I guarantee right now are also thinking, "Well, I'm not loving my wife the way that you've told me to love them in an understanding way. I'm not showing honor to her as the weaker vessel. She's probably only hearing the weaker vessel part, and she's going to yell at me for that. I'm also not like it's like in their minds they're thinking when I go home if I start and I try to do this and that they're going to feel like Genesis 3 is stepping in and where she's going to try to bite my head off for it. Just respectfully help in this regard.

Encourage fan the flame. Encourage. Encourage. It doesn't mean that you can't ever correct and help with that. Again, who's given the the title helper in scripture? The Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit. That's not a demeaning term in the Trinity. Remember, they are co-eternally equal. And yet, the Holy Spirit helps in his role of offering conviction and correction where necessary. And so, women, we we need that. Absolutely.

Now there is a way just like we are called to uh love our wives in an understanding way there are ways in which wives can learn to correct their husbands. I'm telling you the first five years my wife and I'm sorry um she was an early childhood education teacher and and she corrected me the way she corrected third graders. And maybe that was the right way to go, but I didn't like it. And so we've had to work out to where now she knows how to talk. She knows how to come to me. She knows the right way to sit down and start speaking to me.

And it does melt me. Like it does put me in a moment where I need to listen. I need to hear what you have to say. You're right. I need to take responsibility for this. You're right.

I need to step up in this way. So you got to figure out at the same time how to be able to speak to your husband in a way that is understanding. Again, I know last week we said without a word, do it without a word. But it doesn't mean that it's in silence always. Work it out. Talk to one another.

Communicate with one another. You're a team in creating a household that represents Christ and the church. Amen. Amen. As we come to the Lord's table, we see Christ ultimately pro provide and protect his bride by laying his life down for her. By laying his life down for her, Christ pursued her.

He protected her. He honored her. And he purchased his bride with his own blood. The bridegroom laid down his life for the church. The bread reminds us that his body was broken for his people. And the blood reminds us the cup reminds us that the new covenant was secured by his blood shed to remove and forgive sins.

And so if you ask the question, where do I begin being a godly man? It begins right here. It begins right here. Remembering Jesus and what he did for his bride. Let's start there and I guarantee the rest of it will work itself out. It'll work itself out.

Father, we love you so much and we thank you for this day. We thank you for this word. We know it's difficult for us as men. The world tells us to just pun our responsibility just to abdicate it and just to let others take charge. But Father, that's not what you've called us to do. You've called us to take our responsibility and to own it.

And to be able to be loving heads in our homes, not dominating, not doineering, but sacrificial, living in an understanding way with our wives, showing honor to them, doing all of these things in the way that Christ has shown us in his relationship with the church. And so, Father, we need help. Lord, we need help. May your spirit fill us with the strength we need to live this out every single day. It's in Jesus name we pray. Amen.

Would y'all go ahead and stand with me? If you believe Jesus died on the cross for you, that he broke his body, that he shed his blood to forgive you of your sins. And you you believe that you've bent your knee to him. You've surrendered your life to him. You are now a servant of Christ. You are submitted to him.

If that's who you are and that's what you believe, then we invite you to come down, grab these elements, bring them back to your seats, and at the end of the song, we will remember the sacrifice Christ made for us together.